3. The Paradox of Choice

FOMO is real and pervasive and it has existed since we decided that it would be a good idea to choose for ourselves what is right and wrong, what is good and evil.

There are so many decisions to make in life. How do you decide what to do? How do you feel happy with your decision, not knowing how you would have felt if you had picked something else?

Freedom of choice isn’t really freedom when it comes with slavery to anxiety, comparison, and disappointment.

The first step towards the solution is agency not autonomy. “Real agency only arises in the context of submission to things you did not make yourself (Matthew Crawford).” Submission to an objective standard of truth; submission to the determination of right and wrong, good and evil, by the creator not the created.

2. Love is not just a feeling

…if your definition of “love” stresses affectionate feelings more than unselfish actions, you will cripple your ability to maintain and grow strong love relationships. On the other hand, if you stress the action of love over the feeling, you enhance and establish the feeling. That is one of the secrets of living life… Tim Keller, The Meaning of Marriage

1. Design your algorithm

Everyone has an internal algorithm which sorts and interprets everything in their lives. Stick with me here… Let’s first define our metaphor: the traditional understanding of an algorithm is (more or less) a set of instructions and processes which are applied to an input resulting in an output (and is mostly used when in reference to math or computer-y things).

This huge, complex, multifaceted internal algorithm is used to understand and interpret everything that a person may encounter in life, whether it be a problem faced, a new bit of information received, every interaction with others, or with nature, and even how they understand themselves. The resulting outputs of this internal algorithm are the things that are believed, the decisions made, and the actions taken (or not).

The concept of this human algorithm is kind of a fuzzy, but work through it, and I think you’ll start to get the picture. The algorithm itself is made up of a number of principles: fundamental truths, rules of reasoning, and mental models. I don’t believe this is a novel concept; I have a good friend and mentor who always used to say “Get a grid!”, and I have heard it described as a ‘semantic tree,’ other metaphors that might be helpful. This human algorithm is the basis of forming one’s worldview and self-identity.

Whether aware of it or not, this algorithm is functioning (though not necessarily well) in everyone and greatly impacts the course of their lives. The most important thing to understand is that you must take an active role in designing your algorithm. Seriously. Everything depends on it.